


Hope For The Future

by BonneyQ



Series: Hope [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonneyQ/pseuds/BonneyQ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance Corporal Rivaille and Hanji Zoe never expected to have a little consequence after a night together. A consequence that might bring them closer together. [LeviHan]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Way To The Future

It was never meant to happen; none of it. They were not meant to spend the night together, they were not meant to fraternize, and they were not meant to hold each other like they did.

But life doesn’t make a habit to follow a plan. Oh, no. Life does whatever the hell it wants and has no one to answers to.

So, the unfortunate day Lance Corporal Rivaille found out that Hanji Zoe was pregnant with his child after a drunken encounter, he really started to think that no, life didn’t give a shit about him and never would.

Three months after the night they spent together, the brown eyed woman called him to her quarters when both arrived from a scouting mission, dirty and tired. At first, Rivaille was going to say ‘no’, but her gaze upon him said that it was a matter that needed to be addressed as soon as possible.

Once both were alone they removed their green coats, now dirty with mud –much to Rivaille’s disgust-, and Hanji, as always, went straight to the point.

“This was my last mission with the Scouting Legion for a while.” She said and for a fraction of second the always stoic face of Lance Corporal Rivaille showed surprise by a small raise of his eyebrows.

“Is that so?” He asked, leaning on the wall, crossing his arms above his chest and studying the woman in front of him. She looked tired, but aside that, she looked her normal self and Rivaille knew Hanji Zoe (in more way than others, he thought); only something much important would make her stay away from the subjects of her studies: the Titans.

“Yes.” She pulled a chair and sat. Staring at him, she hesitated a moment before continuing. “It’s better if you know the truth from me: you are smart enough to figure it out on your own in to time and I don’t want our….” She searched for the right word. “friendship to be affected by it more than it should.”

Rivaille raised one eyebrow both in question and as an invitation for her to keep going; he was curious of what could make her stay away from scouting missions.

“Well,” Hanji took a deep breath. “I am pregnant.”

Even though Rivaille’s expression didn’t change, he was clearly confused by her statement. ‘Hanji’ and ‘Pregnant’ never passed through his mind in the same sentence before. Hell, the word ‘pregnant’ probably went through his mind about three times in his whole life and now there was: his comrade saying that she was pregnant.

“Just if you are wondering: it is yours, by the way.” Hanji said light headed, trying to alleviate the tension of the room; somewhat Rivaille was starting to send an unpleasant aura around him. “I wanted to tell you before you heard from someone else and put two and two together.”

Hanji could see his marvelous brain working by the way his eyes moved a little, a thing most people didn’t notice, she did –most of her job was to observe behavior-. Rivaille was remarkable intelligent and when he was forming a plan, he wouldn’t move much, but his eyes would move slightly as the possibilities and both likely and unlikely scenarios went through his head.

So, she gave him his time to understand all the implications about a pregnancy. Even Hanji herself had to take a long time to think about what she was going to do about it.

“Are you keeping it?” Hanji, lost in her own thoughts, missed his eyes on her and his voice was icier than ever.

“I thought about it a lot.” She said. “It was never in my plans; I mean… ever. I am not mother material.” Hanji looked at him over his glasses when she stated a fact both knew. “But, it happened even with me on the pill. I know that it isn’t a hundred percent, but even so. My decision is to have it.”

“What?” Rivaille walked away from the wall and stood in front of her, and Hanji was presented with a rare sight: a red faced Lance Corporal.

“Too many lives have been lost.” She told him with calm while fixing her glasses. “I can’t do it.”

“We’re at war, Hanji!” Rivaille said. “Do you want to bring a child into this world? With a war happening?”

“No, and that’s why we are fighting: for the future and if everyone thinks like you, we are meant to lose.” The brown haired woman said angrily getting up from her chair, and then took a few deep breaths, returning to sit down. She was tired from the mission and now with the conversation. “Children are the future and I intend to make mine live in a world where peace is a constant, not a hopeless dream. I’ll have it and I’ll stay in the military because that’s how I’ll contribute to the future. You are welcome to share this view or to fuck off.”

Rivaille and Hanji stared at each other, neither backing off, for long minutes up until he turn around, grab his coat and leave her.

The woman sighed deeply and had to contain her tears (fucking hormones!), she was not going to cry and regret her decision. When she took that last mission, she knew it was going to be a long while before she could go in one again. She also knew that Rivaille wanted a child as much as she did: never even thought about it being a possibility. She also knew he would be against it. She knew it was going to hurt to see his rejection, and she knew that wasn’t going to be easy to have a child on her own, but as she told the Lance Corporal, this was the future.

Hanji put a hand on top of her slightly swollen (almost unnoticeable) stomach and somehow her will got stronger.

She could do it, she just needed some sleep. In the morning she had to tell her superior about her leave.

#

The news that Hanji Zoe was no longer an active member of the Scout Legion spread fast. She was famous because of her research and exquisite and somewhat reckless fighting smile. Not to mention how weird it was for someone to try to communicate with the Titans.

The why was still a mystery for most for a while, but of course, Rivaille knew that she took some time off because of the pregnancy.

If he had a tired face before in the two weeks since Hanji informed him about the child she was expecting, it got worst. He didn’t want to care, but did. It was his child too and was too much to take in. But Lance Corporal Rivaille was nothing but an honorable man.

So, one morning he knocked on Hanji’s door and waited for her to open and when she did, the man wanted to roll his eyes with the sight; her hair was loose, reaching under her shoulders and it was a mess. She was putting her glass on, and was wearing a t-shirt and it was somewhat tight around the stomach area, consistent with a woman pregnant and in her sixteenth week.

“I understand your view and I am not some guy who walks from his responsibilities.” Rivaille said when her sleepy eyes finally focused on him. “The child will be taken care of, of course. I’ll help you out with any financial issues you both require. I just don’t think that my involvement will bring it a good side for a child; but once it can understand the concept of fatherhood, I don’t mind you telling it who I am and I shall accept it further contact. But if it doesn’t, it’s alright too.”

“Erm…” It was Hanji’s smart response. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.” She let out a big yawn. “Want to get inside and have coffee?”

“No, thank you.” Rivaille refused politely. “Just tell me if you need anything and don’t overdo yourself in the lab. I’m sure Doctor Stein wouldn’t mind if you took your meals in the right time.”

“I eat.” The woman said and Rivaille scoffed; she ate, alright. She ate when her stomach hurt or when someone pulled her away from her notes and from her ‘pet titans.’

“Sure you do.” He said in the most sarcastic tone he could master and then turned to leave. “You have no pants on, by the way.”

Hanji looked down and pulled the shirt down as far as she could before closing the door to prepare herself for the day.

#

Rivaille could say many things about himself, but that he didn’t care about her pregnancy was the most absurdity she heard in a long while. Every day for the past month there was a young trainee that would bring her lunch and wouldn’t leave until she saw Hanji eat. It had a diversity of items, from meat to vegetables, which was rare to have every day.

When those lunches first arrived, Hanji inquired the young man, Carlos, and he told her that Lance Corporal Rivaille gave him the order to supervise the preparation of the food in the kitchen, bring it to her and watch her eat it all.

That first day, the hormones made her eat crying her heart out while the trainee looked very uncomfortable.

At 22 weeks of pregnancy, it was very hard for people not to notice Hanji’s stomach, which was healthily big; and of course, everyone knew about who the father was, since Rivaille, every week, asked a report on Hanji’s pregnancy to her superior.

It was mandatory to all pregnant women to stay away from missions during their pregnancies, but since Hanji was a very important researcher, she was authorized to stay in the Headquarters doing her research, reading diaries from people who returned from missions, making harmless experiments. Her superior, Dr. Stein was more than happy to have new eyes to look over the paperwork and if those eyes were Hanji Zoe’s, better yet. Everyone knew that she was almost an expert, seconded only by Dr. Stein himself.

Rivaille and the Doctor had an agreement: Stein would ask Hanji for updates on her pregnancy, since the parents to be didn’t exactly worked together anymore. Rivaille was going on more and more missions and Hanji stayed inside wall Sina helping Stein, who took her place in a few missions. He was a good soldier.

In the few times they met each other, Hanji and Rivaille exchanged pleasantries and he asked her how she was feeling. She told him about the baby moving and he nodded in acknowledgment. The meals kept going and Stein kept sending the updates about Hanji’s pregnancy to the Lance Corporal.

One day, a different Scouting team captured a Titan by Stein’s orders. It was different, a Deviant Type because of its size: not even two meters high but extremely fast and Dr. Stein and his team had trouble capturing it, but they did.

Once she heard about the news, Hanji immediately went to see it. Even with her growing stomach, she was a researcher more than anything; if it was rare to capture a Regular, a Deviant was even more! Oh, she was so excited to learn more about it.

Arriving where they held the Titan, she was stopped by Stein almost immediately. “No, Hanji. You are not allowed to get close to a Titan, for god’s sake. You are pregnant!”

“And he is trapped, he can’t hurt me.” She looked over his shoulders, arranging her glasses better. “Oh, and look! He has freckles! Can we call him Freckles?”

“Hanji…” Stein said letting out a sigh. “You need to think about your child.”

“My child is safe, Doc. It is inside me and I am perfectly safe. See?” She smiled, her eyes sparkling in excitement; she hadn’t ‘interviewed’ a Titan in months! “Come on, Claudius. There are many people around here and Freckles here is wrapped up.”

“Fine.” Stein nodded. “But only for a few minutes, Hanji. I mean it!”

“Thank you, Doc! This is the best opportunity to have some stir around his behavior with emotions.” She stepped inside the small arena where they were holding the Titan. She stared at him. For a Deviant, it was too ‘normal’, same expression, eyes vacant that followed her. “Hi, there. I am calling you Freckles since I don’t know your name. Is that alright with you?” When no response came, Hanji continued in a safe distance from the strapped down Titan. “So, do you see this?” She pointed to her stomach, and as incredible as it was, the Titan followed her hands and a bolt of joy went through her body. Maybe she could see an emotional reaction after all!

“Inside me, there’s a baby. I am going to be a mother.” She said and Freckle’s green eyes were kept on her stomach. “Do you have a mother? Someone who took take care of you?” No response. “No? How about a wife? Have you ever loved someone, Freckles?”

At that, something changed in the Titan; with a roar, it got one of the hands loose. Hanji could only give a step back before its hand tried to catch her. And when it couldn’t, the Titan started to pull the strings to set itself free. There was some shouting and most of the soldiers started to use their 3D gears to go to higher grounds.

Hanji had no equipment. She was completely hopeless.

“Run, ma’am!” One of the men she didn’t know the name shoved her out of the way right when Freckles went to take a bite on her, biting his arm instead. He cried in pain, but as Freckles was somewhat still trapped, Hanji thought fast enough to grab the man’s blades and cutting Freckles’ face enough so it released the man.

“My arm!” The man yelled and Hanji pushed him away from the Titan while its face was beginning to heal.

“Run!” Hanji yelled, holding the man and her fear rising up when she saw the Titan get fully released. The other soldiers were trying to catching him, but with little effect. It seemed that it was stronger than it looked.

And worse, it had its eyes locked on Hanji.

Noticing that, Hanji let go of the man, half of her body covered in his blood and started to take Freckles’ attention away from him. She still had her blades, so, if someone could hurry the hell up and tame Freckles again, she could still be alive by the end of her crazy plan.

The Titan slapped a man in order to get to her and when it was about to grab her, she cut is hand, but that didn’t stop Freckles. With his other hand, he was about to grab Hanji. Fear started to boil inside her: if she had a 3D maneuver equipment, she could get away, but she didn’t have and the others were having trouble getting to Freckles.

A hand went to her stomach as she mentally asked for forgiveness from her child and she raised the other, the blade up. If she was going down, Freckles was going to feel pain for it.

Before it could reach her, though, Freckles fell down and was about to fall over her when Hanji felt someone grab her by the waist and dragging away from it.

She knew who had saved her even before she looked to see who was.

Lance Corporal Rivaille.

And he was furious.

Hanji, on the other hand, was holding onto him, murmuring to herself: “Maybe it showed weakness because it wanted to be brought in…”

“Hanji!” Rivaille put her down and her knees couldn’t hold her up and he put her sitting on the floor. “Hanji, look at me! Are you okay? Is this blood yours?”

“You killed Freckles.” She whispered, letting the hands that were holding him relax. “He was going to…”

She had never been like that before and she faced death way too many times to just get in shock like that. It was probably the pregnancy hormones kicking in more than normal.

He slapped her in the face. It stung so much; she finally snapped out of it. “Are you crazy, Hanji? What were you thinking of doing?”

“Freckles… Freckles got loose.” She told him even though it was obvious.

“And you thought of fighting it?” Rivaille said enraged and grabbing her by the shoulders.

“I still can fight.” The brunette woman mumbled.

“No, you can’t.” The Lance Corporal said with a growl. “You chose to have the child, so, if you are in danger, you run. You run as fast as you can to survive. That’s why you are not alone here, there lots of people with you, all trained in titan killing.”

The brunette woman put a hand over her stomach when she felt her child kick harder than usual and winced. Rivaille kneeled by her side and even though he had his cold façade back now, Hanji knew his eyes and he was deadly worried.

“Hanji, go to see a doctor.” Stein appeared by her side; he had been trying to catch the Titan, but as it seemed to want Hanji, he couldn’t do much. “And don’t come to the lab for a week.”

“She won’t.” Rivaille said through gritted teeth and helping Hanji up. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“But…” She tried to say, but a look from Rivaille shut her up. The adrenalin was lowering down and she decided that she was going to shut up for the time being, seeing that her hands were starting to shake.

“Someone bring a horse!!” Rivaille yelled, leading Hanji away from the arena.

#

The doctor said that everything was surprisingly fine with Hanji and the child; that she was just tired and stressed and told her to stay in bed for a few days just as a precaution, only up for a few minutes every day.

Surprisingly for Hanji, Rivaille accompanied her through the whole appointment and after, took her home and helped her into the bathtub. Hanji, emotionally and physically exhausted, didn’t complain. After taking the dirt and blood from her body, she changed into a nightgown.

“I was not only with someone else, I am also pregnant. Even when I left the other guy, it still wanted me. I think… I think it wanted me because I am pregnant.” Hanji was sitting on a chair, waiting for Rivaille.

“Hm?” Rivaille asked, putting the covers away from her bed –where the baby was conceived in the first place– so she could lie down. He turned around and helped her to sit on the bed instead.

“Titans go to where more people are, right? I am two in one right now.” She sighed, moving herself so she was lying down. When her head hit the pillow, she let out a groan of happiness. “Since it’s not common for pregnant women to encounter a Titan and survive this is a very big breakthrough. Pregnant women need to be even more careful.” She tried to get up once again, but Rivaille pushed her back. “I need to write this down, Rivaille, to show Dr. Stein tomorrow.”

“I’m calling it.” He said, his stoic demeanor returning.

“What?” The brown eyes woman took her glasses off, putting them on the counter beside her bed.

“I’m calling my half of the child.” Rivaille crossed his arms above his chest. “And since I am, we’re going to have more rules: you will not get close to a Titan until the child is born. Actually, not even after it’s born; not for a long time. You will stay doing your desk duty and gestating in peace. And when I am in a mission, I’ll have someone with you just in case. I will pay very much attention to the Titans and even try to talk to them so I can give you my insights about their behavior.” The Lance Corporal

After a few moments, Hanji asked with doubt: “Would you do that?”

“Yes. If you promise to stay at your desk; I don’t care if they bring you a Deviant Type that can talk five different languages. Do you understand?” The man asked, staring right at her.

“Yes.” A smile crept into her mouth. “Thank you.”

“Just don’t worry people like that again.” He was about to turn around and leave, but Hanji grabbed his hand, so he stopped and turned to look at her. “Do you need something?”

Without saying another word, she pulled him and patted beside her on the bed, signing that he should sit down. He frowned a bit, but did what he was told without releasing her hand. After a moment, she carefully put it over her stomach.

His first instinct was to take it away, but she held it there and a second later, he felt it: a small pressure against his hand. It was light, but it was definitely there.

Their child was saying a small ‘hello’ to its father for the first time.

He felt Hanji’s hand leave his so he could choose to keep it or not. When the brown eyed woman looked up to his face, he could see his eyes a little wider than usual and his hand was even moving a little around her stomach to find where he could feel it better.

“My back is starting to hurt.” She whispered, afraid of spooking him and when it didn’t, she continued. “I have to go pee all the time now, it’s silly.” She giggled and she saw one corner of his mouth up for a moment. “I read a book that says that it has the size of a banana or something.” A few moments later, the baby stopped and Rivaille removed his hand away from her stomach.

“Well…” He coughed. “That’s… hm…”

Hanji laughed lightly and sat on the mattress, feeling really happy to have a ‘moment’ with the baby’s father. She leaned towards him, their noses touching but neither moving, she closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. “Thank you for saving us.”

She proceeded to touch her lips with his in a tender kiss, which he didn’t object. “You don’t have to go, Rivaille.” She patted her bed. “It’s big enough for the both of us and after a near-death experience, people need physical contact, otherwise we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Hanji said in reference to the pregnancy. “Just… stay tonight.”

“Hanji.” Rivaille sighed.

“I am not going to jump you tonight. I am just telling you to sleep by my side today.” Her brown eyes pleaded to him, and, after some consideration he nodded.

“I’ll stay. I am just going to take a shower.” He said and Hanji nodded, lying down back to the bed. After telling him where he could find clean towels, she joked: “Just so you know, you can jump me. Your child gives me sex hormones.”

She heard him groan and laughed. Things were starting to get better.

#

Neither broke their words: after her bed rest, Hanji was strictly on desk duty and hating it while Rivaille did try to talk with the Titans before slaying them and then telling the whole story to Hanji, who wrote down everything into detail.

Their relationship changed a little bit too. Three days before he left for a mission, Rivaille would go to her house and stay the night with her, only allowing himself to hold her during the last night and from time to time, they would kiss. And when he returned from the mission, he would hold her during the first night, sleep by her side in the second and stare at her in the third.

To her, it seemed like when leaving, he worked up his thoughts to leave her and needing her embrace, and right after he returned, he needed to reassure himself that she was fine, the baby was fine and that he had returned home.

Because home changed to Rivaille, that was for sure. He could sleep most of the nights in his own quarters, but Hanji could see that he would fully relax when he was at her apartment, helping her choose the baby’s room color –he wanted it white so he could easily spot some dirty while Hanji wanted yellow. She won. –, or cooking for her (Rivaille was surprisingly good at it) and later at night, she would read some book with named while he cleaned the dishes.

Hanji would never say it out loud, but it was kind of having a male housemaid with a very cute ass to stare at (she slapped it once. Rivaille didn’t show in her house for two days after that.).

But for someone who wasn’t supposed to get involved, he was too deep down to turn away now.

When Hanji was eight and a half months pregnant, the nesting started. It can happen anytime during a pregnancy but often happens between the 5th and 9th month of gestation. It is a primal instinct but many pregnant women may look a little crazy when they get swept up in the syndrome. Some women feel the syndrome mildly and others suffer from an overwhelming case of the nesting syndrome.

Nesting is both biological and emotional. A part of it is instinct. A woman knows her body best. Women seem to know when the baby is about to arrive and thus the nesting syndrome takes over. Pregnant women can be found at this point cleaning vigorously, rearranging the baby's room and packing and unpacking the labor bag.

And to tell the truth, it was happening; the walls were getting clean, the baby crib was no longer at its original place, the clothes they bought were washed over and over again, even though they had time, the house was being baby proofed.

One day, when Hanji was entering her ninth month, Irvin Smith went to visit the pregnant woman, like he had been doing whenever he could. He had the unfortunate luck to arrive in a ‘Nesting Day.’

The cushions from the couch were on the window, drying. The carpet was being swept over and over again.

Irvin did not see that coming: Lance Corporal Rivaille was cleaning the house as if a surgery was going to happen that day on Hanji’s living room.

“He is nesting.” Hanji chuckled while seated on her chair eating a sandwich, the plate being balanced on her big stomach.

“I thought that women went through that.” Irvin frowned.

“I am not really the cleaning type of girl, so… he’s doing it.” She took another bite from the sandwich.

“I am not letting a child come live here in the filthy place, Hanji.” Rivaille stopped his sweeping. “In a few days a baby will be coming to live here, you know?”

“I am aware.” Hanji said calmly. “I am pushing it out of my body.”

“Well then.” He resumed his cleaning while Hanji and Irvin talked about mostly about his missions. She had too much baby talk from a few girlfriends she made during her days at the military. She wanted to return to action as soon as she could.

#

The day Hanji went into labor, she was feeling her back hurt for a while, but didn’t think much of it, at the end of the pregnancy, she was feeling everything hurt. But when the pain started to get more and sharper, it hit her.

The baby was coming.

She took a few deep breaths and called Rivaille, who was luckily staying at her, seeing that he was going in a Scouting Mission in three days.

“Hey, Lance Corporal!” She said with a big smile on her face and getting up from her couch. When he looked up from the book he was reading (A baby name’s book, mind you), she pointed to her stomach. “Someone’s ready to see the world!”

It took him thirty seconds to realize what she was saying. “Okay.” He got up from the couch and started to ask questions as calm as ever. “The bag is ready, right?” Rivaille asked even though he knew it was: he had neatly arranged it once a day for the past week; just to make sure everything they need was there. “Then we’ll go to the hospital. Can you walk?”

“Yes. The pain is gone now. We have a few minutes.” Hanji said, glad that she was wearing a dress that wasn’t too awful.

“Okay.” He kneeled down and helped her put her slippers on, and then went to fetch the light green bag with farm animals drawn into them. He thought it was ridiculous, but Hanji liked ridiculous. He, then, offered help to her. “When the pain comes, tell me so we can stop.” The woman nodded and they proceeded to go to the hospital.

It took them about half an hour to walk there, stopping from time to time so Hanji could feel her contractions in peace. A man offered them a hide on his chariot, but Hanji refused, saying that walking speed things up and she wanted it done sooner rather than later.

At the hospital she was put into a room and her doctor came to check on her and told her that she wasn’t really dilated just yet, but yes, the baby was on its way and Hanji was happy. Maybe her labor was going to be an easy one.

Thirteen hours later, Hanji had enough of labor, really. The phrases she was yelling were a variation from: “Rivaille once this is done I am cutting your dick off so you can understand the pain I am in, you sucker!” and “I’ll rip your balls off with the Titan Cutting Blades” were yelled from time to time during the process and the Lance Corporal took it all with his stoic face even when she was crushing his hand.

When it was finally time to push, Rivaille’s expression finally changed as he turned to Hanji and whispered: “You can do this, Hanji.”

The brunette woman nodded, summoning energy as she started to push while grasping Rivaille’s hand as much as he could and, to his merit, he didn’t complain about it. Just kept whispering things to her, encouraging her.

“I can see the head!” The doctor said. “A few big pushes and you can see your baby, Hanji. Whenever you are ready.”

She took a deep breath and did it, then again, again and again, and then it was bliss. A cry echoed through the room; the cry of a newborn baby.

“It’s a girl!” The doctor announced.

Rivaille’s dark eyes were focused on the red faced infant the doctor was holding and showing to him. He had seen blood take life away, he never thought he could see it while the prospect of life was so full.

That was his daughter.

“She’s perfect.” Hanji was openly weeping, her glasses foggy, but she could still see her daughter.

“Do you want to cut the cord, sir?” The doctor asked and without thinking much about it, Rivaille nodded and took the scissors to do it. “The nurses will clean her up and bring her to you in a few, okay?” Both nodded, Rivaille returning to his previous place by Hanji’s side and grabbing her hand while she laughed and cry at the same time. Rivaille, being Rivaille just held her hand.

Twenty minutes later, a nurse came with the small baby girl already clean (wearing the yellow jumper they brought from home) and checked: she was perfectly healthy. Rivaille looked as the nurse gave the baby to Hanji, who had the biggest smile on her face.

He did look away when the nurse oriented Hanji in how to breastfeed the little one and soon enough the kind lady was out, telling that she would come and get the baby later.

“Look at her, Rivaille.” Hanji whispered looking down to her child while she ate rather hungrily. “She is perfect.”

The Lance Corporal stared at the child, trying his best to avoid look at Hanji’s breasts, which was a very task, so he gave up.

“I don’t know many children, but… she is the best specimen of baby that I’ve seen.” He agreed with Hanji.

“She has your hair color.” Hanji kissed the top of a very hairy head. “And your nose. Thank goodness.”

Rivaille agreed, and in his head he reinforced the wish that the girl got Hanji’s eyes instead of his. He didn’t like them much, while Hanji’s were in a beautiful chocolate color that shined when she was excited. It was one of the many things he liked about her.

“We need to name her.” The woman said and looked up to Rivaille. They discussed a few, but no name seemed right. “Do we use your surname or mine, since we are not married?”

“She’s going to have your surname.” Rivaille said in a decisive voice.

Hanji hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“If it was my call she wasn’t going to be here, remember?” He pointed out. “She’s more yours than she is mine.”

“Okay.” Hanji smiled, looking down to their daughter. “You pick her name, then. I know you have a list inside your head, a list that you didn’t share with me, so… come on. Look at her and choose wisely.”

As instructed, Rivaille did exactly that, he stared at the little human he and Hanji made together and he knew exactly what her name should be. “Nadine.” He said and Hanji frowned in question, asking him to continue. “It comes from one of the old languages… I think it was called ‘French.’ It… it means ‘hope’.”

The new mother looked from the man to her daughter and said: “Hi, Nadine.” And then smiled softly. “Yeap, this one works.” Hanji’s smile widened. “Welcome to the world Nadine Levi Zoe.” Rivaille opened his mouth to tell her that the baby didn’t need to have his ‘name’, but the brunette woman ignored him. “We’ll call you DeeDee as a nickname, baby.”

“What?”

“Nah-dee-nee.” Hanji said with a giggle to the man by her side.

“I refuse to call her that. It’s beyond silly.” Rivaille shook his head lightly.

“DeeDee loves her daddy, see? She’s even saying hi to you.” Hanji waved one of Nadine’s little hands while the woman spoke softly. Rivaille rolled his eyes. She, then, noticed that the baby was already with her stomach full and carefully straightened herself up, then turned to Rivaille. “Now DeeDee wants her daddy to carry her.”

“What? No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

“Oh, is the bad Lance Corporal Rivaille afraid of a little girl? Did you hear that, DeeDee? Your daddy is afraid of you. What will people say?” She mocked him. “Come on, Rivaille. Come closer.” He hesitated but did as he was told, offering the arms like he watched Hanji do a few minutes before when the nurse gave Nadine to her. “Just be careful with her head and you are fine.”

The baby fussed a little while Rivaille set her on his arms, but in no time was quiet in a slumber and then he could really see his daughter.

And Hanji’s opinion that Nadine was perfect was more than righteous. He knew that there was no such thing as perfection, but the baby girl in his arms sure was very close to it, he noticed. Songs would be written to talk about her perfection; people would be ashamed of their own looks when looked at Nadine Zoe.

Without realizing, he started to walk around the room, still staring at the baby. When he stopped close to the window, he finally spoke.

“Hello, Nadine.” He murmured; Rivaille was turning away from Hanji, so he let out a small smile that she was sure he was holding since the moment Nadine was born. He didn’t notice that the glass of the window could reflect his actions. The woman dried a stray tear and smiled. Yes, there was hope for their future.


	2. The Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am taking a few liberties with Irvin’s life in here. Forgive me if it’s crazy. And remember, Hanji just had a baby, she’s hormonal.  
> And I am trying to humanize Hanji a little bit, go on with it. LOL

The first night Nadine spent in her new house, it was odd for both adults; they had grown used to Hanji’s big stomach and the quietness during the night. And even though Nadine took after her father and was mostly a calm baby, only whimpering when wet or hungry – which was rare, really; Rivaille refused to let the child stay in her own filth for more than a few seconds, so was constantly checking the diaper, and even if there was a smell because DeeDee just farted, he’d changed the diapers (with that ridiculous piece of clothing covering his nose and mouth). Hanji was always feeding the new born since she felt her breasts hurt if the dark haired child didn’t eat, so, the little one was always well taken care of.  
  
Thankfully, because of the missions, Hanji and Rivaille didn’t need much sleep to function properly, so the few naps they took when Nadine was quiet were good enough.  
  
During day two, Irvin and his wife went to visit the new baby.  
  
“Oh, she is so cute.” Maria, the blonde man’s wife cooed the sleeping child. She was a sweet looking woman with strawberry blonde hair, bright green eyes and when she smiled, there were dimples on both her cheeks. She looked as chirpy as her husband looked serious. “What you named her?”  
  
“Nadine.” Rivaille replied, the baby was in his arms and didn’t have a care in the world. The child was wearing a yellow jumper with flowers and birds on them, much to her father’s disgust.  
  
“Rivaille…” Hanji coughed lightly. “I think Maria would like to carry DeeDee.”  
  
“I am aware.” He made no attempt to give the child to the woman in front of him.  
  
“Just give her the child, then.” Hanji rolled her beautiful brown eyes and nudged him on his back to make a point. Rivaille scowl got even deeper as he did what was told and gave the baby to Irvin’s wife, while the blonde man hid a smile.  
  
Hanji noticed that Irvin seemed a calmer and less tense around his wife, even though his posture was still straight and he still had the same gray eyes that showed how many lives he had seen being taken; and yet, those same gray and cold eyes seemed to sparkle and follow Maria’s movements as if he was magnetized to her.  
  
“I have to talk with you about tomorrow’s mission, Rivaille. Mikasa said she wants in if Eren is going.” Irvin said, as walked over to the shorter man’s side.  
  
“What’s new? I don’t know why we don’t put them together in the same team already.” Rivaille said, leading them towards the balcony, to leave the women with Nadine.  
  
“I know you don’t mean that. You know that emotion is not good in the field. You also know that once Hanji returns to the military, you two won’t be together too.” Hanji heard Irvin say before Rivaille close the balcony’s door.  
  
‘Oh, that was right’, she thought. They wouldn’t probably be on the same team anymore because of their involvement. It was common to have couples inside the military, even members from the fearful Scouting Legion even though most preferred to date people from outside the bloodshed; relationships happened. And when they did, the couple could still be together, just not at the same team. Most relationships ended because of how little time the couple stayed with each other, but a few survived the distance.  
  
Hanji hoped she and Rivaille could maintain their strange relationship and their lives during the process.  
  
They have been in the same team for ten years, covering each other’s back, killing titans, catching titans so she could run her experiments, hunting for food, playing with each other (she did, he bore it), losing the same comrades.  
  
To have a life without having him doing all those things with her was so abnormal.  
  
During the pregnancy, she thought about it, but it didn’t seem real that she wasn’t returning to Irvin and Rivaille’s team anymore.  
  
“Oh, I miss babies.” Maria said with a smile, while smelling Nadine’s head and Hanji’s mind stopped to wander off and showed the blonde the couch where both sat. “Joshua is already nine and Leah is five. Appreciate these early days, Hanji: those are the ones you have them for yourself. Leah is already having sleepovers and I can’t sleep during the whole time she’s away, while Joshua is already saying that he wants to be part of the Scouting Legion like Irvin. How I wish they were babies again so I could have them all under my wings all the time.” Maria sighed. “But I need to keep going on, right?”  
  
“Yes.” Hanji said with a small smile. “Another mission tomorrow, huh? They are more frequent now.” Hanji tried, politely, to make small talk and since both of their ‘men’ were leaving in the next day, it seemed appropriated.  
  
“I don’t even notice anymore.” Maria chuckled. “After fifteen years of dating and marrying a man from the Scouting Legion, time seems more relative.” The woman started to rock Nadine, who stirred a little bit. “You, on the other hand, probably still have to get used to it. I remember the early days with Irvin.”  
  
“I’m fine.” Hanji said harshly. “I went with those missions with Rivaille, I know his strength. I am not some housewife…” The brunette stopped herself when she saw Maria stiffen her body. Hanji started to think about what she was talking about. She had known Maria for as long as she knew Irvin and the woman was never anything but kind to her, and there she was, acting like a bitch. “Maria, I’m sorry, I…”  
  
The woman relaxed her body and both of them stayed in silence for a while; the only sound around the room was the muffled voiced of Rivaille and Irvin talking outside on the balcony.  
  
“Hanji, I’m going to tell you my and Irvin’s story, just bear with me for a few moments, okay?” Ashamed of herself, Hanji nodded and waited for the strawberry blonde to start. “You see… My name is Maria and I have a younger sister called Rose.” The older woman chuckled. “My parents chose my name as ‘Maria’ because the Maria Wall was our pride: The First Wall, the wall that kept the Titans away from us and I was raised to be as strong as that big old thing. The day it fell down, my name’s meaning became weak, but I didn’t. When I married Irvin, we were living in Wall Sina, he was just rising himself up in the military. I was used to have him gone for a few weeks and at home once in a while, but it never bothered me: I knew him when we got married.  
  
“I remember when the Maria Wall was breached, Joshua was just two. When the news came, I was so afraid, but I kept going on with my day for Josh’s sake. I received a message from Irvin, telling me about what happened and that he was needed back in Wall Rose. I didn’t question him, of course and he returned home almost a month later, tired and with such horrible news.  
  
“I might be just a housewife, but I am Irvin Smith’s wife. My contribution was small, but I gathered people to arrange donations for those who were able to run away from Wall Maria. I left Joshua with my sister and I went with my husband to Wall Rose with the clothes and food we gathered to help out as much as I could.  
  
“When I got pregnant with Leah, I was afraid for my whole pregnancy.” Maria sighed deeply. “A wall was breached once, people were being sent to die because food was low and there was I, bringing a child into such a horrible place. But I had her, my little Leah, born in the midst of chaos, she was right.” Maria looked up to Hanji, who was looking at the strawberry blonde woman with curiosity. “What I mean, telling all this, is that it’s terrifying to have a child with or without Titans breaching walls, but when we look at them, we know they are supposed to be the best things in our lives. And they are.”  
  
“She is just a few days old and I already can’t see my life without her.” Hanji whispered, now looking to the dark haired baby. Seeing the look on the new mother’s face, Maria placed the baby in Hanji’s arms, who took her carefully. “I don’t know what I would do if I lose her. Or him.”  
  
“Then trust Irvin, trust Rivaille to help bring peace to this world. They returned to us so far. Right now you are just scared and full of hormones, but I know you trust them to take care of each other, just as much as you had his back.”  
  
“While I was pregnant, I was much easy going about this. I focused on working and didn’t worry much, but…” Hanji bit her lower lip. “Now, I can’t work, all my focus is on Nadine and Rivaille.”  
  
“It’s not easy to be the one waiting. It’s terrifying, it’s nerve wrecking, it’s hell. It’s harder than it is to be by your lover’s side fighting the damn things, because then you know what is going on, while back here, we can only hope they are fine. I know that this is the worst time for you to go through him leaving for a mission for the first time since you left the hospital: you just had a baby and the father of your child is going to a mission where he’ll face titans. It’s normal to be afraid.”  
  
“I don’t feel afraid. That’s not me.” Hanji looked up from her daughter to Maria.  
  
“It is who you are now: you are a mother and a wife, sorta. When we fight for ourselves, fear is excitement. When you love someone else, you realize what fear is truly like.”  
  
Hanji had to clean her cheeks because of the stray tears that insisted on falling. “I hate these hormones, making me cry all the time.” Hanji tried to ease the tension. “Once I started for a whole hour after Rivaille told me about a Titan he killed. Don’t know why, since he just said: ‘Killed a titan today’.”  
  
Maria laughed and at that moment, both men stepped inside the living room, seeing the women laugh.  
  
“What are you laughing about?” Irvin asked, frowning lightly seeing his wife get up from the couch with a big smile on her lips.  
  
“Pregnancy hormones.” Maria said with innuendo to her husband, who immediately formed an ‘o’ with his mouth.  
  
“Oh. Those.” Irvin coughed a bit and his ears became really red. He cleared his throat. “We have to go.”  
  
“We have to pick Leah up in day care.” Maria said with a smile. “She insists her dad picks her up every day when he’s in town. And so does Joshua.”  
  
“Aw, that’s sweet, Irvin.” Hanji teased the man while getting up, Nadine still on her arms. “I bet those two have you wrapped by their little fingers.”  
  
“They do! The big and strong Irvin Smith can spot a traitor in a blink of an eye, but have no idea where a five-year-old stashes her candy.”  
  
Irvin looked to his wife, stoic but with a sparkle on his eyes. “I told you, she’s smart for her age and hid those things very well.”  
  
“Sure, honey.” Maria nodded and rolled her beautiful green eyes and then turned to the couple in front of her. “Rivaille, you can go in your mission ease minded, okay? I’ll come by every day to check on her while the kids are at school.”  
  
“You don’t have to…” Hanji started, but Rivaille interrupted her.  
  
“Thank you, Maria. I would appreciate that.”  
  
The brunette rolled her eyes, but said nothing else about the subject. “Thank you for visiting.”  
  
“Our pleasure. Your DeeDee is adorable.” Maria gave a kiss on the baby’s head and heard Rivaille say under his breath: ‘Her name is Nadine, not DeeDee’, and laughed. “See you tomorrow, Hanji. And a good mission to you tomorrow, Rivaille.” The older woman said nicely.  
  
“Hanji.” Irvin nodded towards the woman, who smiled, and then turned to Rivaille. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Rivaille led the older couple towards the door and after they left, the man turned to the mother of his child, with a frown. “You were crying before you laughed. Why did you cry?”  
  
“Hormones.” Hanji smiled softly and the man frowned slightly. “I’ll be fine. But I believe your daughter needs a diaper change.” The woman wrinkled her nose with the smell coming from the small human being.  
  
“What? Give her to me. How long…?” Rivaille got the child. “I fear for her without me for a few weeks.”  
  
“Hey!” Hanji said playfully and saw the Lance Corporal leave with their daughter in his arms to the yellow room they prepared for her.  
  
She sighed as soon as she was alone. She could go through a few weeks waiting for him to return home. Return to her.

#

The next morning both Rivaille and Hanji woke early, when the sun was coming up. He got up, leaving her on the bed even though he knew that she was already awaken. He went to take a shower while Hanji decided to check on Nadine, who was already whimpering claiming for attention. Hanji changed the baby’s diaper and fed her while the Lance Corporal was getting ready for the day, putting the usual clothing.

Rivaille finished getting ready and went to the baby’s room, where Hanji was looking at Nadine, now clean and fed, on her crib, making a few noises. Sensing his arrival, Hanji straightened herself up.

“Are you leaving already?”

“I need to get there sooner than the others.” He replied even though she already knew the answer. Rivaille, then stepped closer to Hanji, but not enough to touch her. “Two weeks and I’ll be back.”

“I know.” Hanji turned around with a bright smile on her face. A fake smile. “It’ll pass fast, like the other times.”

Rivaille hated that. All the other times, she was okay with him leaving, but those three days since Nadine was born, something changed inside her and he didn’t like it to see her like that; she was suffering. At least she would still have Nadine to hold, while he wouldn’t.

“I can’t push a mission over because…” The short man said, but Hanji cut him off.

“You are a member of the Scouting Legion, I never asked for you to change that.” She said and then rearranged her glasses. “Go and return in one piece, that’s all I ask. For my and DeeDee’s sake.”

“How about the things around the house? You had a child less than three days ago.”

“We’ll be fine. Maria is coming by later, Carlos’ still delivering food for me and I deliver food for the baby. Everything is working the way it should.” She said and then happily, added: “Now go kill some Titans. Don’t forget to talk to them, though. They might…”

“You are ridiculous.” The Corporal said in his stoic voice while pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I know.” She smiled brightly and then stepped away from the crib. “Now say good bye to your daughter and leave. Your subordinates are waiting for you.”

He stepped closer to the crib and stared at the baby, who was now asleep and he burnt that image on his memory. It was awful to leave after such a big event of his life, but it was his duty. He was doing it for Nadine’s future.

Turning around, Rivaille left the room with Hanji following him. He was about to grab his green cloak when he felt arms come from behind him and encircle around his waist and a face bury into his neck. His body stiffened, but after a moment, relaxed.

Hanji didn’t know what led her to do it, but she needed it.

She breathed in his scent for a few moments and whispered: “Be safe”, before letting him go and turning away, returning to the baby’s room, closing the door behind her.

Rivaille stayed in the same spot for a long moment, took his green coat and didn’t look back. Leaving the apartment he was no longer Rivaille, Nadine’s father. He was no longer something of Hanji’s. He was the Lance Corporal Rivaille, and that detachment was what was going to bring him home to them.

#

True to his word, Rivaille was back two weeks later, dead tired, but alive; and Hanji was happy about it. The Lance Corporal noticed that she seemed a thinner (not just the stomach was disappearing) and she had bags under her eyes, but was otherwise unhurt and that was good.

Even though he was a dirty mess, she didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him and kiss his lips once he stepped inside the apartment. It was a simple kiss, a loving one that lingered a little longer than the others they shared after the night Nadine was made. And just for that moment, the man pulled her closer by the waist.

“I am happy you are back!” She smiled once they were apart and if Rivaille was a ‘smiley’ man, he would’ve returned it.

“How was she?” The short man asked and the brunette giggled. He was going to be a little surprised; DeeDee seemed much bigger then.

“Being a baby, you know: sleeping, eating and pooping. Doing all the good stuff there is in life.” Rivaille rolled his eyes and asked himself why on earth he had missed that woman so much when she said things like that all the time. “She’s asleep, but I have a gift for you.” She let go of him and he did the same, letting him get inside the apartment properly. “A basket full of dirty clothes for you to wash.” She said gleefully. “Am I a good friend or what?”

“What do you mean a basket full of dirty clothes?” Rivaille took his cloak off carefully not to get dirty in anything else. “For how long haven’t you done the laundry? Hanji!” The man proceeded to go towards the laundry room.

The brunette woman laughed, thinking about all the clean clothes she had put on the basket just to give him something to do once he arrived, she knew he loved to clean.

Her heart was much lighter with her family all together under the same roof. Maria had been right: it was hell not to know. Now that she knew what the loved ones from the Scouting Legion felt when they were waiting, she didn’t know who suffered more. Hanji only ate when Carlos delivered her food (still watched her eat too, and the brunette wondered if he would create a food fetish because of it) or when Maria brought in some of her bakery goods.

The older woman had been essential for Hanji to go through that first mission after DeeDee was born. Helped her understand the feelings she didn’t know how to place for a while. She felt anxious before, when Rivaille was gone, but she would never thought…

Her feelings towards the Lance Corporal had changed so much during the pregnancy and only after having a baby she realized then that she didn’t like him as a friend, not anymore. Somehow, a stoic man, with a frequent frown, a professional at titan killing, a clean freak and ten centimeters shorter than her had stolen her heart.

She didn’t know that being in love was that scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn’t one of those: “Wow, she should’ve stopped in the first chapter” kind of fanfiction, since there’s a lot of Irvin and Maria, but… Well, I thought it was kind of necessary.


	3. The Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to remember: As a badass as Rivaille is, he is still human and humans feel.

_He couldn’t do anything to prevent it, he couldn’t move, he could just look at the Titan in horror, a horror he never felt in his entire life, not even when he saw many of his friends get killed in front of him. No, that feeling was worse._  
  
 _Hanji screamed – one of the hands of the 5 meter Titan holding her – as she tried to get to get free. But she wasn’t screaming for herself. In its other hand, palm still open, lied Nadine. The blackness of the baby’s hair was contrasting with the redness of her face while she cried; sensing the danger._  
  
 _The Titan was staring at Rivaille, a lifeless stare as always, but didn’t move its eyes away as it opened its mouth, raising the hand he had Hanji on, while the brunette still tried to reach – with all her might – for her daughter, who was still crying as loudly as her tiny lungs could let her._  
  
 _Rivaille tried to move, but couldn’t. He tried to say something, yell, but couldn’t. All he could do was watch as the titan bit Hanji and closing its other hand, smashed his baby; while in the process ripped the Lance Corporal’s heart apart._  
  
Sitting straight in the bed, breathing hard and sweating, Rivaille was fast to get up and look around, blinking and trying to remember where he was. The Lance Corporal’s back hit the wall as he took a few calming breaths, recalling that he was in Hanji’s apartment. Like everyone else who ever saw a Titan, he had nightmares, but never like that.  
  
He looked at the bed they shared and when didn’t see the woman, drooling over her pillow, the nightmare – still fresh in his memory – made him panic. It was such a foreign feeling, but he could remember its definition and if what he was feeling wasn’t panic, he was sure as hell didn’t want to feel the real deal.  
  
Rivaille needed to find Nadine. He had to find Hanji.  
  
His brain was screaming that they were fine, but for once, he listened to his instinct and body: Rivaille needed to see them; had to see them.  
  
Rushing towards Nadine’s bedroom, where he heard Hanji’s voice – which calmed him a little, but not even close to ease his heart – talking to their six-month old daughter about some nonsense, he opened the door, startling the woman.  
  
“Rivaille? What’s wrong?” Hanji asked, seeing his distress. Even DeeDee looked towards her father. The baby had woken up and fussed a bit and when her mother finally went to see her, she refused to go to sleep, even though it was in the middle of the night (Rivaille said that she got the stubbornness from Hanji and Hanji said that it was from him, proving that the child got it from both) and she had been sleeping through the night for a couple of weeks.  
  
The short man only had eyes for the baby, the child who had broken down each and every wall he built around his feelings. Not even Hanji, the closest person to him, had even scratched the surface of it and then a baby that couldn’t even speak, broke it down.  
  
She was wearing a pink dungarees, her black hair – like his own – was messy from sleep and much thicker then, since both her parents had plenty of hair. Nadine’s eyes were exactly like Hanji’s: in a chestnut color, so beautiful and full of innocence. She also had his nose and Hanji’s mouth. She had the best of them all.  
  
When the child saw her father, a beautiful smile appeared on her lips before mumbling some baby nonsense as she raised her hands towards him in a clear gesture that Nadine wanted him to hold her; and the fear in Rivaille’s heart doubled it. He needed to have her in his arms.  
  
With a few steps, he reached for Nadine and then taken the baby away from Hanji’s arms, hugging the child like he never did before. The feeling of the warmth the child provided on his bare chest – too hot of a night to sleep with a shirt, her rapid heartbeat, her smell and her not understandable mumbling telling him that she was, indeed, alright.  
  
“Rivaille?” Hanji asked, concerned about the father of her daughter, as he held the baby tightly; one arm under her butt for support and the other was soothing the baby’s black hair, his eyes wide as he stared ahead, but not really seeing anything.  
  
Hearing the woman’s voice made Rivaille snapped out of it for a moment, and then, releasing Nadine’s head for a moment, he brought the brunette closer to him as well, grabbing her by the back of her neck, somehow managing to hug both of his girls at the same time.  
  
To say that Hanji was surprised was an understatement, but she let him do it. After a few minutes, his grip loosened and the woman returned to her position, standing up next to him.  
  
Seeing that Nadine was almost falling asleep, her chubby cheek resting on her father’s shoulder and thick dark eyelashes almost shutting down while the man caressed the baby’s back in a soothing way, Hanji mouthed to Rivaille that she would be in the bedroom and he nodded.  
  
‘They are fine.’ The Lance Corporal thought, the ache in his heart subduing a little bit as he felt the breathing of his sleeping daughter; but the fear of what could happen to them, that was still there and he was not familiar with it.  
  
When he noticed that Nadine was out cold, he put her carefully on the crib, stared at her sleeping form – arms and legs thrown in every direction, which she also inherited from her mother – and left the room, hoping that by the time he arrived in Hanji’s bedroom, she would be sleeping. Of course she was not; the brunette was lying on her side of the bed and when he entered the room, she stared at him intently.  
  
Sighing tiredly, he laid back on his spot next to her, still feeling the brown eyes on him. After a few moments, he said: “I don’t want to talk about it.”  
  
Rivaille could feel the hesitation on her response, but it came out anyway. “I have them too, you know? Usually when you are out in a mission.” Hanji whispered and the man turned his head to look at her properly. “And I don’t need to walk a few steps to find you and DeeDee. I can only find her, and it soothes me a bit, but you? I have to wait days, sometimes weeks, to make sure you are alright. So, don’t worry: you are not the only one with nightmares, okay?” Rivaille watched Hanji sigh and then lean to kiss his lips like they grew used to share, as her way of telling him good-night, but much to her surprise, Rivaille grabbed the back of her neck and deepened the kiss with such need and passion; something they hadn’t done since when the night she got pregnant.  
  
And Hanji was not going to deny him what she had been craving for months. He wanted physical contact after a nightmare; Hanji just wanted him, in any way she could get.  
  


#

“And we still good at it.” Hanji giggled, as her head rested above his chest. Her finger touching the never-fading lines from the 3D maneuver equipment right above his hips. She knew that her hair was probably a mess after being pulled so much, but it didn’t matter. “It’s been more than a year, but we’re still pretty damn good at it.”

“Hn.” Rivaille replied, both his arms under his head for support.

“And I still think we should keep doing it.” The brunette woman proposed, light headed, but apprehensive inside. Ever since she figured out her feelings for the Lance Corporal, she tried her best to hide it and succeeded so far. “I mean, we already have DeeDee, you spend most of your time here. We totally should have the awesome sex as a plus.”

Rivaille stayed in silence for a few moments, pondering his answer, making the woman nervous. “I agree.” Hanji sat on the bed so fast that it took a second for Rivaille to notice the movement, but took him no time to notice the confused and astonished expression on the woman’s face. “I found that I am quite fond of you and Nadine and as you pointed out, we already have somewhat of a domiciliary life already. I don’t think sex can be on the way anymore: we’re in way too deep already. And again, as you said: We’re very good at it, so why not take advantage of it? Besides, it’s good exercise for you, who have been only in desk duty.”

“Excuse me? Did you just call me fat?” Hanji said, a little offended with his last statement. “I have a baby to feed, pal. And I didn’t hear you complaining ten minutes ago. You were all… oh, oh, Hanji, yes, yes…” The brunette teased him as she pretended to act like he moaned during intimacy.

“You very well know that I do not sound that way.” Rivaille said in his bored tone and Hanji pouted, but then smiled wickedly.

“You want to be with me.” She teased.

“Yes, Hanji, that’s what I said.” The Lance corporal sighed in annoyance.

“You waaaaaant me.” Hanji straddled him and Rivaille rolled his eyes with her childish play.

“Stop it.”

“You want to kiiiiiss me.” She leaned so their faces were a few inches away.

“Hanji….” The man warned her.

“You want to make loooooove to me.” She smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Hanji.”

“You want to make more babies with me.” The woman kissed his other cheek.

“No more babies.” Rivaille said and then flipped them over, so he was on top of her. “Just physical release.”

“Call it whatever you want, buddy.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “I know what you really want.”

Groaning in annoyance, Rivaille returned to kiss her and even though he was very much annoyed, he still felt better to know that she was happy, and that their little girl was just in the other room, fine and alive.

Lance Corporal Rivaille didn’t know much about fear, he knew a little bit about caring, but those two girls showed him how to love in his own way. He didn’t know if it was a curse or a blessing, but at that moment, he was as happy as he could remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about Rivaille being OOC, but I wanted to make sure you all remember that he is indeed human and has feelings, especially since he has a child now and has Hanji around all the time: you grow fond to people.


	4. The Steps For The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same author note as last chapter: As a badass as Rivaille is, he is still human and humans feel.

Rivaille arrived at the apartment he shared with his daughter and her mother – the man refused to call Hanji his girlfriend: she was hardly a girl; or his lover. They were just Rivaille and Hanji in a relationship – and was surprised to see that the woman was still awake.  
  
It was almost two a.m. when he entered the living room. He saw Hanji, hair loose falling on her shoulders, glasses almost falling off of her nose, some loose old shirt and no pants, of course (the woman hardly ever had decorum outside her house, inside, she was almost like a wild animal); look up from some papers – that were scattered all over the floor in a patter only she could understand – and smile at him and as always, a little of the weight he carried on his shoulders lifted just a tiny bit.  
  
She must’ve seen something in his expression, because the smile vanished in a moment, as she got on her feet and went to stay close to him. Rivaille was a mess, she could see the dullness of his eyes was an indicative that the mission was not successful and that there were casualties.  
  
“Who?” Hanji asked softly and secretly hoped that it wasn’t anyone she knew.  
  
“Henri, Pierre, Hugo, Shea, Julius and Michelle.” Rivaille informed her with a heavy sigh. “It was meant to be an easy mission and ended up being a massacre.”  
  
“I am sorry.” The woman said, sincere. She had met them a few times and they were good people; knowing that Rivaille was always overly emotional when someone from his squad died (not that he let it appear at the time, only much later), the brunette wrapped her arms around him, in a hug. “I’m glad you are home, though.”  
  
“Yes.” Rivaille patted her back awkwardly. “What are you doing?” The man asked, looking at the papers on the floor.  
  
Letting him go, Hanji looked towards the papers as well. “Reading more journals some scouting members found during their last mission.” Hanji sighed. “I’m needed in one soon.”  
  
“Yes.” Rivaille nodded. He knew that the time for Hanji to return to missions was close, now that Nadine was sleeping through the night and eating solid food. The Lance Corporal didn’t want her to, but it was her choice. She did keep her promise after that incident with the Titan and hadn’t been in a danger situation for over a year.  
  
“I want to go, but I don’t want to leave DeeDee; mother’s instinct, Maria says.” Rivaille shrugged and the woman sighed once again. “Go. Go look at her for a while. It always helps. I’ll heat up something for you to eat.” Hanji squeezed his shoulder as she went to the kitchen. And even though Rivaille hated to fall into his emotions, he couldn’t help but notice that seeing their daughter sleep was a much appreciated relief after what he been through.  
  
Carefully opening Nadine’s bedroom door, the first thing he noticed was her smell: of powder and some light rose perfume, then he saw the child sleeping on her crib. Rivaille felt at ease almost immediately with the sight. She had a bunch of dark straight hair, provided by his genes, but the warm chocolate eyes that came from Hanji and so far, she was a happy smiley child, which he was certain didn’t come from him.  
  
Feeling a little better, Rivaille decided to take a bath, eat and go rest. He wasn’t going to bother Nadine, not when she was still in an age where you are so blissfully innocent. In the future, she would fear the Titans, but at that moment, she was just a clueless baby sleeping through the night.

#

In the next morning, he woke up to an empty bed. Granted that it was rare for him and Hanji to stay together for too long in the mornings, but that day he wanted to have her there, not that he would say it, of course.

Rivaille put his clothes on and exited the bedroom, going to the living room, where Hanji was, Nadine on her arms. The woman was making the child laugh by tickling DeeDee’s belly and after looking at the scene for a moment to make sure he would never forget it, he cleared his throat.

“Good morning.”

“Da!” Nadine exclaimed happily in her mother’s arms – she couldn’t speak properly just yet, but could name her father, mother, Maria and a few others with just a syllable – and immediately held her arms towards him and Rivaille was about to walk towards her when Hanji told him to stop. Frowning, he did like she said.

“Now, baby.” Hanji leaned over the ground and placed the child on it, while speaking. “Daddy is sad, so let’s make him happy, alright?” The baby mumbled a few intelligible things. The brown eyed woman looked up to Rivaille. “Kneel. And call for her.”

Doing as he was told – not before rolling his eyes in protest –, Rivaille kneeled on the ground. “Nadine.”

The baby looked at him with a big smile, showing her little baby teeth, and, with wobbly legs, she started to walk towards him, Hanji still holding her arms up, but when the woman saw that the child could do it on her own, she let go and Nadine took the steps on her own.

Rivaille’s arms raised on its own as he saw his daughter come towards him with such happiness in her expression, so much love and naiveté.

After only a few steps, Nadine reached her father and was embraced in a hug as soon as Rivaille had her close enough to it. “Since when can she do this?”

Hanji laughed with his question. Nadine was ten months old, a nice age to start to walk. “A few days. She could stand on her own by grabbing the furniture – she would fall a lot on her butt – and then, a couple of days ago, I saw her do it and when I call her name and she just…” The woman let Rivaille complete her line of thought with his own.

“This was very nice.” The Lance Corporal shifted his gaze to the child. “You did good, Nadine.” And, in an unusual moment of softness, he gave a kiss on one of her chubby cheeks.

She didn’t want to interrupt the moment, but had to. “I need to leave her at Maria’s before work.” Hanji told the man. Maria Smith was kind enough to look Nadine while Hanji was working, and the woman practically begged for the chance: she missed having babies around. Even though it was customary for him to stay with Nadine whenever he was in town, the day after a mission he always took to sleep and write reports.

After a moment of thought, Rivaille dismissed Hanji. “No, it’s alright. I’ll stay with her today.”

“Are you sure?” Hanji hesitated.

“Yes, Hanji.” The man rolled his eyes.

Stepping closer to the people she loved most in the world, the brunette leaned towards Nadine and kissed the opposite cheek Rivaille kissed and then gave a peck on the man’s lips. “I’ll let Maria know that you are babysitting today.”

“I am not babysitting,” Rivaille said it like it was a cuss word. He never babysat in his life and would never do. “I am taking care of my offspring, like a parent ought to.”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye bye.” Hanji took the papers that were now gathered and gave them a good-bye, and then they were alone.

Rivaille stared at his daughter, who was immensely entertained with the buttons of her pink dress, and he smirked a little. He liked to spend time alone with DeeDee, she was the most interesting person he knew, always with something new to show him.

“It looks like it’s just us today.” Rivaille said to his daughter, who just let out a big amount of baby babbling. “How about you do the walking again? You looked pretty good at it, but should practice more since people in our family are always the best in whatever we do.”


End file.
